Having Faith

As you may remember, Claire's seizures have recently re-emerged. They started April 1st, the day after my parents returned home from their visit. Since April 1st, Claire has had anywhere from 0-6 seizures in a day. On top of that, Claire has been having some funny movements that I thought might be Infantile Spasms, a devastating form of epilepsy. Although she doesn't have the EEG wave pattern typically associated with Infantile Spasms (called "hypsarrythmia"), her neurologist still would like to get a better picture of what's going on with her, neurologically speaking.

Tomorrow, therefore, we are going for a prolonged video-monitored EEG. I have been scouring the Internet (always a bad idea) looking for any sign of hope, and so far, I have found nothing promising. Instead, I have found a lot of articles, web pages, and blogs that have filled me with fear and worry.

Isn't that always the way?

In times of uncertainty, I am at my most vulnerable, and during these times, it is easy for Satan to creep in and exploit my fear and worry and make me weak. I am plagued with thoughts about Claire's future and her quality of life, and I see any hope of Claire talking, walking, laughing, or playing shrinking away. Even the prospect of Claire ever gaining head control seems out of reach.

I know that fear is not from God, and these negative thoughts are nothing more than Satan's attempt to steal my joy. When I find myself plagued by these thoughts, I turn to God's word to gather strength and overcome fear.

Psalm 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

Claire's seizures are hard to watch. They are scary. They are unpredictable. Kind of like earthquakes in her tiny body. But Psalm 46 reminds me that God is there for me to lean on, even during such scary, fear-inducing episodes. It also reminds me that He is there for Claire, too.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God will be with our family through this trial. He will hold us up when we need Him to. He will provide for us as we need Him to, according to His will. I cannot control what happens - Only God can, but He has promised to be with our family through this journey. All I can do is to call upon Him in faith and put my worries in His hands.

Matthew 21:21-22

Then Jesus told them "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do thinks like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith you will receive it."

I must pray for the things I need, in faith, and believe that God will answer my prayers. I have faith that God will see us through this difficult time, and I continue to pray that we will achieve seizure control and that Claire will be able to grow and develop into the beautiful little girl that God intends for her to be. I hope and pray that this means that she will walk and talk and laugh and play, and I ask this in faith, with nothing waivering.

Please say a little prayer for Claire tonight, before her video-EEG tomorrow.