Conversation with Claire

Last night, Claire and I spent some time going through flash cards I recently bought for her.  Each one had a picture and a corresponding tactile element.  For example, the picture of the cat had fur on the cat's stomach, the card with the fish had a scaly bit. 

As I was flipping through the cards, I would tell Claire what was on each one, get her to touch it, and make the corresponding letter sound.

"Claire, this is a cat.  Cats are cute and cuddly.  Feel the cat's fur, Claire.  Ca ca cat."

"Claire, this is a fish.  Fish are wet and slippery.  Feel the fish.  Fa Fa Fish."

We did this for several minutes, and after each card, Claire seemed to make a sound.  It wasn't necessarly a sound associated with the object on the card, but it was a sound.  A couple of times, it looked like she was trying to say something--really, really trying.  Her tongue would wiggle and she would furrow her brow as she moved her mouth.

It almost seemed like she wanted to imitate the letter sound I was making but couldn't.  Kind of like when you're dreaming and you want to scream but find you can't.

I don't know if Claire will ever be able to talk, but I know I need to encourage every effort.  (After all, if I don't she might give up, and just stop trying, right?)

So, after one of these moments, this is what I said to her:

"Claire, it looks like you are trying to tell me something. 

I know you want to really badly.  

I want you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. 

I know it might be hard for you to form words, but keep trying, sweet girl.  I believe in you, and I'll keep believing you forever and ever.

No matter what, though, I'll always be proud of you."

After that, she was quiet and calm. 

Who knows whether Claire was trying to talk or what was going through her mind last night as we sat on the couch going through the flash cards.  The timing, the sounds, all of those things might just have been a coincedence, and I don't want to make too much of them or somehow will myself into believing that they were signs that someday she will be able to talk.

For now, though, the conversation we had last night--even if it's the only one we will ever have--was one I will treasure forever.