Do You Understand?

This was Claire mid-meal the other day.  I was trying to get her to sign "more" and "all done."

It's a work in progress!

We have always wondered how much Claire knows and understands about the world, as I am sure most parents with children like Claire do.

• Does she know who Brad and I are?
• Does she understand how much she is loved?
• Does she notice when we are around? 
• Does she miss us when we are gone?
• Does she enjoy things?
• Does she have preferences?
• Does she recognize she is different from other children?
• Does she feel happy/sad/indifferent about that fact?
• Does she dread seizures the way we do?
• Does she comprehend what we are saying to her at any given moment?

Over the past nineteen months, we have learned the answers to some of these questions. 

• We know that she enjoys things, for example, because she has shown us by playing excitedly in her Little Room. 
• We have discovered that she has preferences--at least when it comes to food--because she eats certain foods, like bananas, skillfully and has been known to pull foods she dislikes, like green beans, out of her mouth with her hands.
• We believe she grasps cause-and-effect, because in playing with certain toys, like her Apple Chime Toy, Brad's iPad (with respect to which she has also expressed preferences), her Lamaze musical flowers, and others, she appears to understand she must do "x" to make "y" happen.

But, even with these little glimpses into Claire's world, Brad and I have remained unsure of how much Claire really understands.  Until recently, at least.

Over the past several weeks, a number of people and a few specific events have reinforced what Brad and I had suspected (and hoped) to be true:  Claire likely understands more than she can show us. 

The neuro-developmental psychologist we recently saw made this suggestion, but we were hesitant to get too excited, since we still weren't fully sure of what it may mean.  (Read our post about our visit here.)

We also had noticed a few things that led us to believe Claire might have some level of comprehension.  For example, Brad observed Claire would act "differently" when I arrived home from work, becoming excited, more alert, and playful as soon as she heard my voice.

I, too, had started to notice that Claire seemed to be listening to me.  Sometimes, she would look as though she were trying to talk back.  (I wrote a post about it here, but decided at the time not to publish it for fear of coming across as delusional.)

Determined to validate our suspicions, I decided to "test" Claire by seeing if she would follow a simple instruction.  I had noticed that when taking a bottle, Claire was able to push the nipple out of her mouth with her tongue when she was ready for a break.  Since it appeared to be an action she could control, I decided my simple instruction would be:

Spit your bottle out.

The first time I tried, she did it!  Thinking it must be a fluke, I waited for my next opportunity.  When it came, she complied once again!  Still, I realized it could be occurring by chance.  So I kept trying, and she kept performing (most of the time, at least). 

Then, Claire's new nanny, who has a background in special education, indicated she believed Claire understood certain basic words and instructions, including some I had no idea Claire might know, like "ready?" which has been something I have been saying to Claire since she was born any time something is about to happen.

Taking all of these events together, we have decided to invest even more time and effort into developing Claire's communication skills.  We have also started to search for other opportunities to provide Claire with basic instructions she can follow.  So far, we have:

• Spit the bottle out.
• Ready?
• Up, up! (When we lift her up.)
• Down, down! (When we put her down.)
• Use your muscles; help me. (When we are lifting or moving her.)
• Let go, please. (When we are trying to take her paci out of her mouth and she won't let us.)
• Open, open! (When we are feeding her and want her to open her mouth.)
• Close, close!
• Swallow, please. (When we are feeding her and she chooses to hold the food in her mouth.)
• Hit the button! (When we are playing with toys, and a button must be hit to make the toy do something.)
• Hit it with your hands! (Same thing.)
• Give me a kiss.

We are so grateful to see signs that Claire understands us, even if she struggles to communicate back.  Of course, we are careful not make too much of these developments or overstate their significance.  We recognize they do not necessarily mean that Claire always understands everything, or that she comprehends at a developmentally-appropriate level.

Nevertheless, we see a hope, a path to explore, and we are excited to discover where it might take us!