I am Claire's Dad...

... God made me specifically for this purpose. Amy will tell you, if they gave gold medals at the Olympics for floating your own boat, I wouldn't even need to train. I hope this post doesn't come across that way because it's not ego driving me to write it; it's thankfulness to God for preparing me for this role even when I didn't know it would be mine. Bear with me as this is my first blog post and I'm not nearly as good of a writer as Amy.

Sitting in the hospital as much as I have over the past 10 months has given me time to think about the twist my life has taken because of Claire's situation. I get a lot of "you're an awesome dad" comments on Facebook and while I am certainly flattered, I know I'm this way only because God gave me many tools and gifts that allow me to do the job He has for me; being Claire's dad. He put the right people in my life to show me how to raise Claire. I know without a doubt that my purpose in life is to be Claire's dad. I can look back and see how He prepared me for it.

My parents set a perfect example and raised me in a way that I wanted to imitate. I have a Mama that, to this day, is only happy if I'm happy. She always suffered through every sickness I ever had right long with me. She "healed my boo boo's" every time and still wants to. It kills her to not be able to physically help Claire (or me) right now. I can remember vividly how much better I felt when I could just be with her when things didn't go right as a kid. I want to be that for Claire. I am good at comforting Claire because she showed me how to do it. I have a Daddy that I know wants to be my dad. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be a Christian. That's huge! He is the one that brought me to church and explained God to me. Obviously, this is something absolutely required to successfully raise a special needs child and keep your sanity. Without God in my life, I don't see how I could understand that Claire has a reason for being here and isn't just an example of science, or "Mother Nature", gone wrong. He also is the reason I am a huge sports fan. Sports is what I use to temporarily distract myself from the tough situation we are in.

My parents were young parents so I have always been very close to my grandparents as well. My grandfather (we called him Pot because that's what came out instead of Pop) was the most fun person I will ever know. I think my sense of humor comes from him. At lot of the expressions I use are because I heard him use them. Pot taught me to always enjoy life and have fun. He always cheered me up and I think by learning that from him, I'm able to do the same for Amy when things get tough around our house. My Grandma always made me feel like the most important person in the world. Every single time I went to her house, the "Abracadabra Man" brought a treat out for Chad and me. She sang songs to us and always had a million hugs and kisses for us. I know it made me feel like I was special and that's why I have kissed Claire a billion times since she's been here. I want her to feel like she is the greatest thing on Earth, just like Grandma did for me.

I have a twin brother, Chad, who I know always has my back. If I need something, he shows up everytime. We are the same person. I know the lengths I would go to for him so, without him even saying it, I know what he would do for me. If anything ever happened to me, Claire would still have a "me". Not only did God prepare me for Claire, she got a back-up, just in case! His girls, Hannah and Katie, have a back-up too. I have watched him raise his girls and Claire is benefitting from the example Chad set. Even though we are twins, he has always sort of seemed like my big brother and, most of the time, kept me in line. I never got into serious trouble and part of the reason was I didn't want to disappoint him.

God also gave me my little sister, Becky. Becky was a feisty kid and occasionally she needed defending. I remember getting into fights to protect my little sister. Now, I fight to protect Claire. I challenge doctors to explain their decisions. If I disagree, I fight for her. If she gets neglected, I fight for her. Becky always looked up to Chad and me. I felt the responsibility of being her big brother and now I know the responsibility of being Claire's daddy. Saying prayers at night when I was little, I always thanked God for my little sister and I still do.

Meeting Amy changed a lot of things about me. Amy has always encouraged me to do things that she knew I could do even when I thought I couldn't. Amy has always put me on a pedestal that sometimes feels almost too high. She brags about me and tells everyone how proud she is of me, even after I might have been impatient with her or said something stupid earlier that day. Amy gives me confidence in my ability to do anything, but most importantly, she give me the confidence I need to be Claire's dad. We are very different in a lot of ways, the right ways, but we are very similar in the most important stuff. We have the same values. We are both dedicated to each other and our family. She picks up the places where I slack. She is a hard worker and doesn't procrastinate like I do. She is the one that organizes all the appointments, therapies, play dates, etc. She is the one that contacted the Center for the Visually Impaired which has been crucial for Claire because we wouldn't be in Memphis right now without a connection we made there. Claire would still be having endless spasms. All of my "you are an awesome dad" comments are built on a foundation Amy has set. Good teams have people that play specific roles. Amy plays the mommy role perfectly. I wouldn't choose anyone else to raise Claire with. I love Amy. God gave me Amy.

And the icing on the cake is my Claire Bear herself. It sounds strange but I feel like I've always known Claire. While my mama was fixing my boo boo's and Pot was cracking me up, I think even then I knew Claire. I think our souls knew each other in Heaven. The first second I saw her in the delivery room, there was a familiarity there between us. I was being prepared to be her father since MY day one. It is the best job I could have. I would choose the job I have over being the Bulldogs quarterback, over being a Master's Champion, over being the POTUS. She has given my life a new meaning. It's very challenging and sometimes frustrating, but to only contrast that with "rewarding" is inadequate. It is joyful, it is purposeful, it is fun. I love the new life we have.

How many people die wondering what their purpose is? I know why I am who I am.