News from the Neurologist

I haven't always been a firm believer in the power of prayer. In fact, before I met Brad, I lacked any sort of spirituality. I'll spare you the details of my journey towards becoming a Christian (that's for another blog post), but suffice to say, faith hasn't come easy to me.



Nor has it stuck with me the way that it should. Indeed, there was a time before I found out I was pregnant with Claire that I fell away from faith. It wasn't that I stopped believing in God, at least not all the way, but I put Him in the background. He became like a friend living in another city: Someone I knew who would be there if I needed but was always too busy to call and catch up with.



When I learned of Claire's diagnosis, I suddenly found myself rekindling my relationship with God. I guess you could call me a fairweather friend. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I spent hours asking, begging even, for Claire's health. I wanted a miracle. But the funny thing about prayer is that it's not a "to do" list for God.



I've been reminded of this truth many times since Claire's arrival. I have lived through several up's and down's already, and I know there are many more to come. The past two weeks have been especially hard. I've been in a funk of sorts lately, mainly due to the reemergence of Claire's seizures after seven weeks of seizure freedom. Even though her seizures are now once again under control, I find myself searching for answers and hope. I have googled, and googled, and googled, and nothing I've found has given me even the least bit of hope. I have read, re-read, and re-re-read Claire's EEG report from Duke, and it is even more bothersome. One phrase from the report, in particular, has plagued me:



Clinical Correlation: This study is consistent with severe cerebral dysfunction and dysmaturity for age.



Translation: Claire's brain doesn't work correctly, and in a big way. I have turned this phrase over and over in my mind, ruminating on it night and day. It has consumed me.



Not surprisingly, therefore, I approached this week's appointment with Claire's neurologist with a heavy heart and a laundry list of questions. At the top of my list was my desire to better understand Claire's EEGs. I was ready to ask the hard question and was (somewhat) prepared to hear his answer, which I fully expected to be bad and ugly.





Before going into the appointment, though, I prayed. Harder and more intensely than I have ever prayed before. I begged for some positive news as well as for the strength to accept any bad news we received. I asked others to pray, too, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart if you were one of those people who took time out of your day to think of and pray for little Claire.





It seems as though prayers were answered, because when I asked Claire's neurologist about Claire's EEGs, he said they are looking better. Claire's Duke EEG showed a lot of disorganized background activity in Claire's brain. A more recent EEG, taken after Claire left the NICU at Duke, showed more organized background activity. It still isn't perfect, but it is a step in the right direction. Instead of "severe cerebral dysfunction," Claire's neurologist said he saw "moderate dysfunction." I'll take moderate over severe any day! In a nutshell, Claire's neurologist said that Claire's brain is maturing, and although her most recent EEG is still abnormal, he would expect for it to be, given her hydrocephalus.

I am so thankful for this answered prayer. It has taken a weight off of my heart and has strengthened my faith. I continue to pray for Claire's health, and I am grateful for those who will join me in doing the same. I can't wait to brag about the miracles that God will work in her life!